Driving Lessons 2: Every Start Has A Stop

What is it about death that frightens many among us? It is the final destination; death is. So even if we know for certain that death is coming, still many of us do not want to reach that destination just yet. There is this Latin phrase: “deficit omne quod nasciture” meaning, ‘Everything that is born, passes away,’ that I’m always reminded of whenever I think about death.

It is the same when you start your car to go on a trip, be it a short or a long journey, every engine start-up must come to an end. Often you find yourself driving with family or friends, people who take the journey with you from and up to a certain point. Sometimes you find yourself driving alone.

In life, like driving you hit traffic signals telling you to stop. Pause a while to consider your journey so far. Take a break from all that driving (or living) and just chill. Even take a break from people who may have taxed us so much, exhausted our capacity to understand and tested our patience and goodwill.

We also reach crossroads which often we are unsure which turn will reap the best rewards. Then there are the milestones; kilometer marks, distance indicators telling us what we have so far attained. These we pass by, yes just pass by for we never really stop in each one or if we do, we never really linger because the journey continues.

There are many road signs in the road of life. They warn us about bad things that could happen. It could be a parent giving advice, a friend with a gut feeling, even our own bodies, telling us of illnesses to come. Sometimes we take heed, slow down and stay alert. Although often we disregard them and blaze on uncaring if we hurt ourselves in the process.

On the road, as in life we get the feeling that somehow we missed a turn or got lost along the way. It is better to get lost with someone than being lost all by yourself. A haunting lyric from an Air Supply song asks, “When you’re lost, where do you begin?” and lets one ponder the next best step to self discovery or simply finding the right direction to seek help.

Even finding the right one can be gleaned from a bit of driving 101. Was that stop you didn’t take the point where you could have met Mr. or Miss Right? Should you have heeded the sign to slow down instead of entering into such a commitment? Sadly, life like driving does not always have a reverse or rewind button. Yes you can probably manage a short reversal on the road but the path you have trodden had already been trod. The words you have spoken had been said. Your actions whether for good or bad have been done. The die is cast. What remains is the road ahead.

You do not stop driving just because someone got off or there’s this huge accident on the road. You even do not give up not when your car had ran out of gas or gotten a flat tire. You find a way to fix the problem and drive on. Life goes on.

So as I start my engine this morning to drive my daughter to school and me to work, I think about the road ahead later today: the way home; where my husband will be too later tonight. So long as there is a home to go to, I shall not give up on driving and discovering new places nor will I stop living my life. No, I do not fear death but for now that is not yet my destination for I am homeward bound.

Driving Lessons 1: Seeing the Bigger Picture

Often we find fault or blame the driver in front of us on the general traffic condition. How many times have we caught ourselves saying, “Oh why is he going so slow?” of the driver ahead who seems to be on a sightseeing tour rather than rushing his way to the office like us who are now running late? Many times we may even say, “Dumb guy” or “Stupid driver” if the car before us suddenly stops when the traffic is clearly on go; or simply how he seems to be going backwards instead of forwards. Surprisingly enough, when we let our vision include the other motorists, we find that often it is not even the guy in front of us who is at fault and realize the cause for him slowing down or suddenly stopping.

In life, we often blame those who are directly connected to us for the many faults and wrongs that we see or experience in our lives. My husband’s not as ambitious or driven, my son doesn’t seem motivated, my mother is too critical of everyone; my best friend seems to be avoiding me. On and on our personal diatribes go as we find our nearest and dearest to blame. Yet if we only take time to see clearly, we may discover that hubby may be working as hard but opportunities may not be available for advancement in his current workplace, son may be going through self discovery phase and is more concerned with self than school and needs guidance, mother is only concerned that everyone is doing well and best friend is going through a personal crisis that we should help rather than feel alienated.

Interestingly, it is when we change lanes that we see the bigger picture of what’s going on ahead. Perhaps in life, it is not bad to change points of view once in a while to see other versions and arguments and possibilities. I’d like to think that I’m fairly open-minded and do play devil’s advocate to myself once in a while, just to see how the other sides feel or think or react. And it can be applied to anything. How would my son or daughter feel like if I told them to do this? What would my husband say to this? If I were my mother, how would I feel if I did this? Would my best friend mind if I told her this?

Who we are can be reflected in how we deal with those around us. A driver who always consider other drivers as dumb or stupid by the way they drive and never once thought about how he himself is driving is a classic example of the egoistic person who finds fault in everything and everyone but himself – the center of the universe. This guy would cut you off the road and smirk that he got away with it smugly but would be the first to honk and get upset when someone else cuts him. He would be the one who’ll change lanes, not to see what’s going on up ahead but to merely get ahead of everyone else. He’s be the one who’ll speed up when you are signaling to change lanes so that he goes ahead of you instead of letting you pass. Sadly, many people are like this driver in life and on the road.

But we can change. We can get better.

So next time you feel like cursing the guy in front of you for being too slow or when you feel the need to honk that horn, try to see the bigger picture first. Put yourself in the shoes of that person before you make your judgment. Try a different point of view and see how it suits you. Perhaps the solution is found within. Perhaps it’s time for you to do some self evaluation on how you drive be it on the road or in life.

Caught Between the Snores and Drools

I'd like to find something negative or bad and turn it into something positive. This way, I'd like to end 2011 and begin 2012 in a positive note, so here goes...

My husband works in another city two hours away by car so we only get to see him on weekends. During the weekdays, I sleep with my nine year old daughter who, having asthma has learned to breathe on her mouth at times and even during sleep thus the drool. I am used to sleeping with damp, smelly pillows and though I am at times annoyed by it, I love the chance to still sleep with my little girl until she may be old enough to find it almost an embarrassment to sleep with a parent. I treasure these moments.

On weekends, my daughter goes to sleep in her own room, drooling on her own pillows while I get to sleep with hubby and get the snores! Hubby does not just snore he has variations that can be considered for awards in best sound effects! There is the motorcycle – a snore that starts like a motorbike kicking into gear, runs a few miles then hits some speed bump and stops, abruptly then starts again – amazingly enough he sleeps through the entire journey. Then there is the kettle; a slow churning that hits a mighty boil then simmers until the entire process begins anew. I feel like being in a witch’s kitchen, beside a cauldron of bubbling froth that is my husband. Finally there is the old geezer. It starts like an asthmatic old man on the brink of death, and then builds into a whizzing fit that anti-climaxes into a snort-like sound of an offended pig having been chastised by its master. Being a light sleeper, the weekends are torture to me to say the least. I’d often get up and tire my eyes away on Facebook or reading until exhausted I could no longer care about the noisy sleeper beside me.

Lately though I find the “noise” comforting. As we grow older, I realize I should be thankful for the snores. They are proof that my husband is alive and well and will still be with me when I wake up. In fact, I have even woken up to sounds of silence, where I panic and touch my husband, making sure he still breathes. When certain of his life, I thankfully sigh and go back to sleep and just when I’m at brink of really falling into deeper slumber, the snores start, mocking me and assuring me at the same time. Likewise I’ve woken to annoyingly damp pillows which I just overturn and ignore until the next day. You can imagine our laundry and how often pillows and pillowcases get changed in our household. I feel like a hotel chambermaid at times, feeling oppressed by inconsiderate guests.

However, caught between the drooler and the snorer I am indeed happy and thankful. I despise the drool but love the drooler. I abhor the snores but cherish the snorer. I do snore myself and on occasion may have drooled so there, no one is perfect. Damp pillows and noise-induced sleepless nights are welcome signs that my little girl and husband are beside me and I am more than happy. I am content. Everything else, as they say, is icing on the cake.