Monday, April 19, 2004


What's so special about past boyfriends or MUs that keep us wondering the what if's and the could have beens? I'm sure we've all had (a)special someone(s) in our past that didn't quite work or hadn't been given the chance to work and both sides or at least one side (you!) is/are wondering whether there was something worth pursuing there...?

Sometimes I scour the Internet in search of names that I should have long forgotten but they echo fond memories in my heart that my fingers unwittingly searches for them in the hope that perhaps, finding them, I'd also get at glimpse of that glimmer of a feeling that once was...

But then again, I could just be hungry and idle and should just get on with my work to be productive and therefore not notice the time until it's lunch!

Saturday, April 10, 2004

Unleashing the Beast

I hate it when I get angry. I try very hard not to get upset and when I do, I try even harder not to explode. I vividly remember the times when I've exploded to scary proportions that I want to avoid unleashing that side of me if possible. It is ugly and I hate the aftermath. Now that I'm a mom with a daughter approaching the 'terrible twos', I've noticed that my fuse seems to be shorter and I tend to nag a lot. Nagging is in the first stages of exploding. The initiator of my anger that knows no one including my little girl. I hate for that time and I hope I never get there, when my daughter will see my monster. I guess I need a break - it seems the beast is packing for a humongous vacation.

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

Taking Risks

I've been to this support staff seminars our school gives annually and one of the speakers gave us a copy of a write up about taking risks. I don't know who wrote it and I can no longer remember the write-up word for word but it goes something like this:

"To laugh is to risk appearing the fool." So what? No matter what you do, some people may think of you as a nut case anyway so laugh. I'm having the time of my life while the sane person is dying of boredom.

"To cry is to risk appearing sentimental." That's okay. I'm not afraid to cry. I cry all the time. I cry when I'm happy, I cry when I'm sad, I even cry when I see other people crying or loving each other. It's good for me, it cleans my eyeballs.

"To reach out is to risk getting involved." What else is there in life than not being involved? I don't want to be an island and I don't think anyone can even be alone.

"To show your feelings is to risk exposing you humanity." Well, I'm glad to expose my humanity. There would be a lot worse things to expose than my humanity.

"To place your ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss." That' all right. You can't win them all. And you can't be loved by everyone. There's always going to be someone who'd say, "He's a jerk."

You could be the most delicious peach in the world but some people would be allergic to peaches and would want you to be a banana. So you try to be a second rate banana and despair. But if you just be the beautiful peach that you are, someone will come along who is a peach lover and appreciate you for who you are.

"To love is to risk being loved in return." That's all right. You love because you want to, not because you want to get something in return. That's not love -- that's just manipulation.

"To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure." Nut risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. This way, you gain nothing, have nothing and in fact is a prisoner of your own fear. You avoid pain and suffering but also avoid joy, change, growth, life and love. Chained by your certitudes you are it's slave. One the person who risks is free.

I like taking risks and the above just adds more flame into my daily 'exploits'.

House Haunting

I'm thinking about moving to a bigger flat. Doesn't necessarily have to be new or really posh but I'd like 3 bedrooms as I have frequent in-laws from Abu Dhabi often visit me. They usually camp in the living room where the space is huge but it would be nice if they have a room for some privacy.

And so I'm haunted by my desire to move and to find the best option possible. I'm starting to get confused, the more flats I see and the more real estate people I talk to. I'm just waiting for a sign that will affirm one option as 'The One'.

Oh the joys of packing and unpacking, I better print this blog a thousand times to be able to have enough paper to wrap glasses and plates...Or I could just stay in my current flat and pretend I'm in Venice. hmmm

Banana Split

I've been off the blog this week. Just bz doing ozer things, I guess. I went to Dubai last weekend to visit a friend and since the weather in the Emirates had indeed been getting warmer, I had a sudden craving for a banana split whilst on the bus. Then a realisation dawned on me, circumcision is just like banana split! only you sort of split the tip of the iceberg rather than the entire banana. Aww, I realise I do have a 16 month old toddler and should refrain from thinking such thoughts. If I had been a nurse, this would have been a fun joke whilst assiting the doctor in the snip operations.