Diets and Stuff

OK so my high school reunion looms in the horizon and that is somewhere in the vicinity of July 2005 - about six months away from today. In the past eleven years of living in the UAE, I have ballooned to at whooping 75 kilos from my original 50 kilos in my college days. (Oh dear) So now, what I ate and drank in the past 11 years to have put me in this current state of well-roundedness, I must eliminate within this six-months time frame. (How the hell am I going to do that?!)

The solution diet and exercise. I have begun along with my sister-in-law the abridged Atkins diet and have started going back to the gym again. The objective being that when I see my schoolmates again, I would not be within the category of "OMG, she totally let herself go!"

So after kicking off the week with eating meat and sightly meaty sustenance, I have lost about 2.5 kilos bringing me down to about 72.5 as of this post. My target is at least to go down to 65 which is 10 kilos off my current weight and about 15 kilos more than my original svelt figure.

As I did my early morning sit-ups today, I wonder why go through all this pain and suffering? Just so people who I haven't seen in the past 17 years can judge me whether I got fat or behaved myself in the kitchen? The is a slightly disturbing thing in this mad rush to look ones best for other people. Why the heck and why indeed?

Despite my adherence to feminism and spite for the status quo, I still continue to fall victim of media and society. Although I have come to accept myself as a woman who is fat and has to wear XL and sometimes XXL sized clothes, I feel a pang of guilt for having gone this much bigger when I used to be wearing Ms.

And the sad fact is, I am not alone in this crisis. Thousands of women like, from all walks of life, culture, religion, social strata undergo the same feeling everyday. Why do you think gyms are such lucrative business? And those diet schemes off the Internet that sell like pancakes? Because no matter how educated we have become, we are still trapped by what our current society dictates - that only super model like women and barbie doll look alikes get to live life to the fullest.

So as i weighed myself in the scale this morning, I sent a silent prayer to the God of Slimming and Well-Being: May I see a lower number or get me a new weighing scale! please?!?!

Been listening to South Border's stylised version of an old ballad, "Usahay" and at first i thought it sounded weird that something so old and sort of 'standard' had suddenly taken on a new twist to it. As listening continued, I began to have second thoughts. The lyrics are the same but the sound, which at first I thought was over-acting, slowly sounded pleasant. It grows on you and you find your self singing it in the shower, while making coffee, humming the new tune! To those who are unfamiliar with it, the lyrics in Cebuano (Sugbuhanon) goes like this: Note Tagalog and English transaltions follows.

Usahay (Cebuano)

Usahay, nagadamgo ako
Nga ikaw ug ako nagkahigugma-ay.
Nganong, damguhon ko ikaw
Damguhon sa kanunay
Sa akong kamingaw?

Usahay, nagamahay ako
Nganong nabuhi pa nianing kalibutan.
Nganong giti-awti-awan
Ang gugma ko kanimo
Kanimo Day?

Usahay (Tagalog)

Paminsanminsan napapaniginipan ko
Na ikaw at ako'y nagkaibigan
Bakit kaya kita madalas mapanaginipan
Sa tuwing ako'y nag-iisa (nalulungkot)?

Paminsanminsan, nagsisisi ako
Kung bakit pa ako nabuhay dito sa mundo
Bakit mo naman pinaglaruan lang
Ang pag-ibig ko sa iyo Inday?

Usahay (English)

I sometimes dream
that you and I had fallen in love
Why do I often dream of you
In the midst of my isolated longing?

Sometimes I regret the fact
That I was even born in this world
For why did you only make fun of
my love for you, dear lady?

This is the only song I know that is:

1. short - two stanzas long
2. ended in a question mark
3. there are only four sentences to this song. two statements and two questions but the entire ethos behind it is the sadness the singer feels about the way the object of his/her affection reacted to his/her revelation.

So sad, so common in young hearts and even in those matured and love weary. Oh well, better to have loved and lost that never to have loved at all.

Road Test

Here I am still a failure from procuring a driver's license. I just finished my second road test today and got a big "NO, not today!" result from my two nemesi, the traffic police officer - male and female - who like hawks watched my every move, waiting for that one chance that I will make a mistake.

I feel like a big fat loser today. Friends have been encouraging but still, the knowledge deep down that I could have done better is still my very own. And I know I should have...and yet...

I'll have to do better the next time around.

Phoooeeey!